I hate people. I really, really do. And I am sick and fucking tired of people acting like anyone who is not straight and cis-gender is not only not “family-friendly” (what the fuck), but ~flaunting~ their ~alternative lifestyle~. What the hell does that even mean? And not only that, to say such a horrible things about his weight? Fuck all of you. Stuff like this makes me too angry to form something coherent.
I don’t even care about this stupid show but to say such horrible things… and I mean, I honestly have to wonder sometimes what planet people are living on, where “the gays” are out to eat their children or something. I honestly wonder what some of these people think anyone who is not straight and/or cis-gender does all day. Like we all sit in our rooms and plot how to snatch away unsuspecting victims, all while having non-stop kinky sex. Like we’re not, oh, I don’t know, normal people with normal lives.
Okay, found one that is legitimately freaking me out
So, I’ve been on a horror movie kick recently. Which is… really weird, because I normally don’t want anything to do with them. But I watched my way through some of my roommate’s movies (The Ring, as much of The Grudge as would play, things like that), and then I’ve been watching things on Netflix. The Ring freaked me out a bit toward the end, but everything else I’ve watched has been okay? Some even pretty interesting. And granted I’m not going after the super gory intense ones, and some of the time I’ve been on the computer simultaneously, so it lessens the blow when I’m not constantly watching…
But yeah, I haven’t actually been that freaked out until now. I started watching The New Daughter, which I’d honestly never even heard of until I stumbled across it tonight. And it’s… I don’t know, it’s not gory, and there are a lot of cheap jump-out-at-you scares, but something about it… about the way the creatures in it are handled… and how the daughter acts and changes… it’s all very subtle, which makes it so unsettling. (Maybe it’s just that I’m paying more focused attention this time? I don’t even know that I could argue it’s that legitimately scary, but…)
Anyway… I am seriously scared to get off the couch right now.
OH MY GOD as I’m typing this it just ended and WTF WAS THAT END
I can’t move ;_; I will stay on my little couch island forever…
“[The Avengers] shouldn’t be a team. You should not have these people on the same team. Some of them are monsters, some of them have no superpowers, there’s no connection. It’s not like the X-men, where they all share the mutant gene [and] they’re all oppressed. [The Avengers] don’t share anything, they could not be more ill-fitted. What better definition of family?”—
Interesting! I wouldn’t say they don’t share anything, but I take the point that they are very different, and the fact that that works… that’s part of what makes them so fun to watch. Also the fact that it can just as easily not work, and sometimes doesn’t.
You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts.
You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth.
I came away from this job interview today feeling so aimless. I sat down to the interview already behind the eight ball for several reasons, and while they were interviewing me I just felt like such a fuck-up. They were asking me fairly standard and expected questions, like how could I apply my degree to the job setting, but one of the ladies just kept looking at me with half-narrowed eyes as I stumbled through. They asked what I had in mind when I chose the major, and I said what I usually say about majoring in something I was passionate about and thought would give me good skills I could use in a variety of areas, because I can’t say it took me four years to realize I didn’t like the major and I finished it because I was already so close. At the end of the interview, that girl gave me that look and was finally just like, “So you don’t have any goals at all?”
I… have a goal to pay the bills? I have a goal to make money so I can eat? I just… it’s not an unreasonable question, but… I dunno. Lately I’ve gotten it a lot, mostly from coworkers. “You’re graduated? You have a degree? What are you doing here? Why don’t you do something with your degree? Shouldn’t you be a teacher? If you don’t want to be a teacher why did you major in English?” And through it all is this undercurrent of “How can you not know what you want to do with your life? How can you not already be on the way to getting there?”
And honestly, I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am just a giant fuck-up. I have a degree I’m not doing anything with, because I thought I liked the subject and everyone told me I could do a lot with it. Turns out I’m sick of the subject and I can’t do jack shit but teach. I want to go back and do something different, but that costs money. So yes, I’m trying to find a job that pays well so maybe I can eventually go back and do something else, but right now what I have to focus on is working. So no, I don’t have a goal. I can’t tell you I want to become the CEO of a company or I want to be a teacher or I want to be a doctor. I don’t. I don’t want to be any of those things. So have I just fucked myself over? Am I just completely useless because I don’t know what I want to do yet? Because right now I just need to make sure I can pay bills and save up money?
I don’t know. I wish I could tell you I know exactly what I want. But I don’t. Is that… really bad? I’m still trying to figure it out. I already feel like a fuck-up because I have this degree but I’m just ringing orders all day. It’s not what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. But is it so bad to not know? To keep my options open? I just… ugh. I guess I don’t look professional and put-together and efficient, but it just made me feel completely stupid.
I dunno, I guess it’s just piling on top of other things. I’ve been working long hours and it’s left me exhausted, and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with the environment I’m in in terms of insensitive remarks and conversations at work and even once or twice from my roommate and her friends, things that bother and offend me but I don’t know how to speak up and I’m afraid to “rock the boat.” I guess I just feel really stressed and isolated, and dealing with that and leaving home simultaneously… it’s just overwhelming and I feel… I don’t know. Depressed? Sort of despairing? I dunno.